Monday, November 12, 2012

The Mechanics of Cyber-Sex

Up until now, this has been, as my friend Glorf Bulmer likes to say, "Not That Sort of Blog".  But I've been getting a lot of questions lately about how this cyber-sex stuff works in Second Life, so I thought I would give you an overview.  No, you DON'T get racy pictures!  Sheesh.

The general idea of cyber-sex is simple.  You and a friend are connected via the Internet.  This could be in a virtual world, or in Skype, or just in a chat room.  Through the use of a combination of animations, various toys, and chat emoting (depending on what your communication method offers), you arouse each other sexually, and engage in masturbation back there behind your monitors.

In Second Life, the primary method is chat emoting in text (or you can use voice.  Personally, I've always gotten more arousal from well written text emotes than from audible moaning and grunting, but Your Mileage May Vary!)  You write emotes by prefacing your text with "/me".  (Some viewers allow you to use a colon instead, which over time saves a ton of keystrokes.)  So, if I type

/me slowly undoes the buttons of your shirt, then slides her hands over your chest

The way it appears is

Lindal Kidd slowly undoes the buttons of your shirt, then slides her hands over your chest

Now, we can combine this with a little roleplay.  When I say something like that, you can right click your avatar, and select Take Off/Clothing/Shirt.

And let's not forget all those poseballs and menu-driven sex beds.  Not to mention sex rugs, sex kitchen counters, sex showers, sex couches, and sex hot tubs.  You name it, someone has probably made a version of it with sex poses built into it.

Either partner can click the bed and call up the menu to change the pose.  However, usually one partner does most or all of the "driving".  Some beds have long scripted sequences that go from petting animations, to foreplay, to oral sex, then to full coition.  But if these are not to your taste or don't run at the pace you wish, you can choose the animations yourself.

Besides furniture, there are genital attachments.  Since female skins have the basics painted on, attachments aren't strictly necessary for us girls...but Linden Lab forgot to give the male avatar a penis.  Fortunately, this lack has been addressed by a great many entrepreneurial souls.  Plus there are prim attachments for the ladies too, if you feel the painted on sort isn't realistic enough.

These genital attachments come in two basic varieties.  The first is controlled only by the wearer.  You wear the prim attachment on your avatar, and click an on-screen HUD to increase your visible state of arousal, and even to make yourself orgasm.  An example of this type is the "Real Penis" made by Dark Delights.

The second type is more complex.  It's scripted to respond to your partner's touch, although you can override it with your own HUD controls.  These genitalia also talk in local chat.  If your partner clicks on your scripted nipples, a menu appears on their screen, asking them what they wish to the case of nipples, choices might include pinch, touch, pull, flick, lick, and other actions.  When they make a choice, the device says in chat, "Suzy Avatar licks Lindal's nipple".  You can edit these responses in a notecard to customize them to your liking.

Some makers have created whole systems of interoperable parts.  Perhaps the best known of these is Xcite.  Their in world store is something to see...a bewildering variety of ways to add on, or customize, your intimate parts.

Not all users like this sort of system, saying it is too mechanical and too complicated.  They prefer to do everything themselves, using chat emotes.  That's fine!  Whatever turns you and your partner on is the way you should do it, there are no hard and fast rules.  I like the Xcite system mostly because its HUD offers an "arousal meter" that shows your level of arousal, and that of your partner.  You can use this as one more way to communicate your feelings to your partner.

For those who want to really be out there on the edge of technology, there is "teledildonics".  You can buy a vibrating egg or other device that connects to your computer with a USB cable.  Then you can get software that interfaces this peripheral to, for example, an Xcite system.  When your partner touches your avatar's genitals in Second Life, the egg buzzes and "touches" you in Real Life.  I haven't tried this myself -- on the one hand, it sounds fascinating.  On the other, I am not sure I want to hook myself up to my computer QUITE that intimately!

The main thing to remember about all the toys and mechanisms is that they are there for YOUR enjoyment.  If a particular method doesn't turn you on...don't do that!  The real key to successful cyber-sex is an emotional connection with your partner.  The animations and toys are just useful ways to express that connection. bit of etiquette.  Don't wear your genital attachments until you're ready to use them.  They all have controls that will turn them invisible, and that's fine.  But people in the know can still see them by enabling transparent textures with CTRL+ALT+T.  And they will assume that a guy with a scripted schlong attached is interested in only one thing.  This goes for girls too.  A woman who wears her Xcite bits in public, with them set to be accessed by anyone, is a slut. 

Whew!  I think I managed to get through that and it's STILL Not That Sort of Blog.  Or nearly.


  1. "Quote"
    The real key to successful cyber-sex is an emotional connection with your partner.
    The truth, not only in cybersex!
    Btw, im glad i found some that enjoys as much as i do, the Xcite bar!

  2. Roleplayings skills (good writing and emotes) TURN me ON a lot more than just using sex poseballs. INTELLIGENCE is kinda a fetish for me... hehhe ;)

  3. Lindal,

    Another excellent job on a very interesting topic! I learned a lot. Glorf will be proud of you for how close you got to the edge without going over.



  4. As usual, Ev has thoughts and opinions in any number of directions at once on this topic, about which she almost certainly knows far too much. Essentially, sex of any kind shouldn't involve hurting anyone, and SL sex can certainly create plenty of opportunity to get emotionally beaten up.

  5. This was such a well written blog! And I completely agree, the connection of those involved is so important; well written emotes timed with the judicious use of a pose, dialogue that is truthful to the moment, all of it holding a certain amount of realism, breaks all aesthetic distance and turns auto-erotica into a meaningful experience in both worlds, I think. And in real life if my partner dressed as a sexy vampire for something different, I would probably laugh, but well done outfits, detailed textures, animations, sounds and special poses, and a caring partner with great emoting skill, can turn a schlocky gaff into a fantasy come true, in your second life! (and by comparison, the "poseball clickers" look even less inspiring) Thank you for breaching this serious and important topic!