Wednesday, March 5, 2014

When I Become an Evil Overlord...

Today's post isn't about Second Life.

Well, it sort of is, because I first ran across this great item in the Second Life Forums, a long time ago.  Maybe you've heard of's commonly referred to as "The Evil Overlord List".

It's a wonderful list of bad fantasy and science fiction tropes turned on their heads.  For example, haven't you ever turned to your friend at the movies and said, "Why on earth did the Bad Guys make their air vents big enough to crawl through?  That's so dumb!"

Well, here are a whole LOT of Dumb Things that you should resolve not to do, if you ever should become an Evil Overlord yourself!  Here's the link to the full list, plus a second list of another bunch of Evil Overlord advice that didn't make the cut to the Top 100.

And here are a few of my favorite examples.  The Evil Overlord List is copyright 1996/1997 by Peter Anspach, and these excerpts are used by permission.

7.  When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

12.  One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

(Oh, just about all of the list has been made into those "motivational posters", and you can find them with a Google Image search on Evil Overlord.  Here's an example...)
Moving on...

32.  I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

42.  When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

56.  My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

74.  When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

91.  I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

Barney follows Number 29!
For those interested in Internet and Fannish history, there's a SECOND, similar Evil Overlord List compiled and published by Jack Butler, and it may be found here:  Peter and Jack appear to be maintaining a polite but slightly uneasy truce regarding who is the Original Evil Overlord.  But they're both wrong, of course.  That position belongs to Yours Truly. 

And a chilling MUWAHAHAHAAA to all you would-be Overlords out there.  Oh, come on!  You know you wanna!

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